A deep breath. My pulse quickens. I still vividly recall coming out to my first supervisor as a trainee at my previous firm. Although I was already out to my intake, somehow having the conversation with a senior felt much more difficult, more risky. It’s a conversation which, of course, many LGBTQ+ individuals find themselves having over and over again over the course of their careers – with new supervisors, new colleagues and of course with clients.
The reaction that day was perfectly fine, by the way, just like (as I am happy – and fortunate to say) it has been each time since. Truth be told, though, that nervousness never totally goes away. Not in my experience, at least. When you come out in a work context you never quite know how the other person will react or how the news will affect their perception of you. However, I have found it has become much, much easier in recent years. There a number of reasons for this, but one of the most important for me is the presence of visible allies in the workplace – and that’s what I wanted to write about in this piece.
I was part of the LGBTQ+ network at my previous firm, which provided a useful support network and social space for its members. However, it could tend to feel somewhat detached from the rest of the firm. When looking for ways to engage with our colleagues, we hatched the idea for an “ally card” program. The premise was extremely simple: we would encourage people to demonstrate solidarity with the firm’s LGBTQ+ community by displaying a (rainbow-tinted, naturally) “ALLY” card on their office door. The card also contained some tips on being an effective ally (more on that below).
It may not sound like very much at all – some, myself included, might even have accused it of tokenism. One day though, I remember noticing that one of these cards had appeared on the office door of one particular partner whom, bluntly, I’d never have imagined participating. Seeing it there, just a few doors down from me, was a positive surprise. It gave me a real confidence boost, broke down a wall, and also led to some really interesting conversations with that particular partner which I don’t think would have happened without it. Those cards were a public display of allyship, and opened my eyes to the role that allies have to play in creating an environment in which LGBTQ+ individuals feel truly welcome and able to thrive.
At my current firm, Fried Frank, I am now the co-chair of the Pride Alliance network in London. We are an active group, putting on a number of events during the course of the year as well as holding monthly committee meetings. We actively engage with our allies in the firm at large. We are also very clear that allies are not there just to make up the numbers. They are an integral part of our group. By this I mean they attend all of our meetings and events, help us to discuss and refine our programming, and raise our collective profile.
The result is that our members – including me – feel supported and encouraged and our group feels like a valued piece of the wider community of the firm itself. Our events are very well attended and as such the group is able to punch well above its weight (we aren’t the biggest network by any means). I would strongly encourage the leaders of affinity groups at other firms to foster ally engagement in a similar way. Speaking personally, it gives me the confidence to by myself at work. And it certainly makes those coming out situations that much easier.
I am often asked what it means to be an effective ally, but, in my opinion, there’s no magic or science to it. Of course, I could be telling people what to read, how to educate themselves. If people want to take it to the next level, then that is, of course, brilliant, and the discussions can go in all manner of interesting directions.
But really, allies – and potential allies – should know that just being there is more than enough. Attend our events. Talk about them. Be visible (card-carrying, if you will). Be engaged and inquisitive. I promise you that it means more to us than you would imagine.
James Frecknall is an associate at Fried Frank
